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| school... |
| 06.23.04 (2:34 pm) [edit] |
here we go.. back to school again... i really feel that i haven't really felt the pressure of being a mascian... coz since first year and most especially in the second year, i haven't been through what most of you people have gone with... you know, all the sleepless nights reviewing, all the projects, etc. etc... i have been surviving with least effort... and of course, i'll get through with... well, just fair grades... fair as in "i got what i deserve" grades.. i really feel like i'm a "hilaw na mascian", as i would like to call myself... i have been worrying, is masci really deteriorating?? or is this how highschool is really supposed to be... a little less than what was expected... what will i be after i get out of this school??? hell, i have already forgotten the very little skills in math i absorbed from ma'am jarabese those times when i was not asleep in her class.. i guess i have to do some reviewing... geom?? all it takes is common sense, doesn't it... too bad there's no geom in our 3rd year subjects!! QUESTIONS HERE: WAS ANALYTIC GEOM. INCLUDED IN THE 3RD YEAR SUBJECTS?? WHAT PERCENTAGE OF MANILA SCIENCE HIGHSCHOOL STUDENTS PASSED U.P. OR OTHER PRESTIGIOUS UNIVERSITIES WITHIN THE LAST FEW YEARS??? i'll be looking forward to your answers... hate it... i'm becoming quite doubtful of what masci is today... well, i have my reasons... why am i in the 2nd section when im just some jerk??? why are the teachers lacking or always absent!!!??? why does mrs. de paula mix chemistry with arts (a very unstable combination, i must say)??? where is out trigo teacher (im partly disappointed and partly nervous because i am very unconfident with my mathematical skills)??? not much to say here... linnaeus is fine but it seems like ptolemy and the dalton crowd were much happier and united... here's some comments on the few of my classmates that really made a mark to me... these people have such noteworthy and unique characters... i can only remember a few of them:
@HECTOR: you'll learn to disregard how he smells when you get to know him... when you're hanging out with him and seeing what a wonderful dude this huge stinkbomb is, you won't hardly notice his stench... and he
@KEVIN: Maan... maan... Maan... naughty, naughty kevin... does a lot of fooling around... has a good sense of humor... we were having fun asking such questions as: "ano ang S na laging masakit sa unang beses???= sugat"; "anong sugat ang nilalagyan ng bandaid buwan- buwa???", a cool guy... onil and i have been hanging around with him a lot...
@KRISTINE JOYCE (aka Kim.. most of us probably know her by her nickname more than her real name) : tama ba spelling??? silent... makulit... mabait... magaling... matalino... stands out in the crowd... dunno it it's just because of her height and light complexion that makes her well- distinguished from the rest of the class... or it might be her aura that truly portrays her inner personality... i can see she's such a sweet and charming gal to her friends...
@JC: medyo arrogant at sosyal... moves and talks with much grace and finese... at first, you might get annoyed but don't let ur first impression last kc he's ok after all...
@ARISTON: ah... kaklase ko na 'to noon eh... mabait... matalino... magaling makisama...
@SYGNE FAME: tama ba??? well, the brains... and the braces...
@JAZMA: classmate nung 1st year... super bait... super tahimik... masipag masyado... gc... msyadong well-behaved... too much discipline in her body... tsk tsk... tska prang may galit skn to 'eh... kc yta dati i convinced and totally manipulated out classmate, gerome, to have a crush on her...
@AZA: physically, isang chubby at medyo mature na 10 yrs old... emotionally, isang walang muang na bata... para siyang si Angelica ng Rugrats kung baga... isang childish spoiled brat ang dating... but mentally, a real deal mascian...
@RAYMOND: magaling... medyo ma-papel lang masyado... di marunong makinig sa opinion at suggestions ng iba... mahusay na leader kc responsable... his former classmates seem to be utterly convinced and confident of him as a leader... landslide votes 'to kapag nagbotohan ng president... pero, still, many brains combined are better than one kahit pa gaano cya kagaling... even Eric listens to other people... i hope he learns to open up...
HOME STUFF: lately, we've been hiring quality help... this formerly bodyguard driver of ours (they didn't actually hire him... my dad said this guy is a "smooth criminal".. he doesn't want to take the risk... baka akalain pa raw anak kami ng mayor tapos kidnapin kami o ratratin)... and now, this college grad. maid who finished the home economics course... i'm really getting annoyed by this new maid of ours... i am suppoded to be understanding of people who are different but this one is too damn different... (note: i'm calling her different just for the sake of decency) and my parent have been complaining of that too... she's good in her job... but when you talk to her, banging your head to the wall to fall unconcious will be such a delight... she's like always on a great adrenaline rush... exaggerated ung emotions kung baga... and asks the same questions over and over again... basta, bwiset... sometimes she annoys me so much that i'm actually considering (not just imagining) grabbing and gripping her neck and crushing her throat and each and every artery and muscles of her neck and feeling my hand touch itself right through that... but, i will not dare do that... it's a big sin... but i am admitting, i am greatly tempted to do so!! and i know i will regret that if i do so because she's a kind lady nmn with good intentions... tingin ko gnun lng cya kc she came from some place where people live like the life of ants.... by the routine and everyday is the same as the other... there are very little variations... (probably, the province) and it so happens that our life here doesn't follow any routine... there are much variations... and it surprises her everytime... so, her reacts with much shock...
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| Magic…the mind and senses |
| 06.18.04 (5:34 pm) [edit] |
i read yssa's blog... read this david blaine amazing magic stuff... we'll he amazes me too.. alam niyo na ung c chris angle ba un (bsta smthng lyk tht)??? pnoorin niyo... he's like the rocker nd devilish version of david blain... but, the thing is, the tricks merely play on the imperfections of the human mind and senses... i mean, look at cartoons, ei, it fools u into thinking that everything it shows are moving when all the while these films are just sliding one by one... it takes advantage of the incapability of the eye to send signals to the brain every split second.. it actually retains what it just saw for a small fraction of a second... i believe it is the same way with that... but, he's the one playing the game nd we're just the players... he comes prepared nd we don't so with the element of surprise, we get shocked and believe... for all you know, he's already done research about the people he would ask to participate... sure, they amaze me so much too... how can they have thought of that??? that's what i give them much credit for... and i believe they deserve being showered with money and kisses for that... but, my point is, it doesn't take a dude with mystical powers to do so!!! It's really cool though... and I love watching them and being astonished by their cool tricks...
@UNCOVERING SOME SIMPLE MAGIC: david blaine claims to have guessed what you will choose from a set of cards that he flashes right through your t.v. screen.. nd u chose a card.. nd he actually guessed it... huh!! amazing, ei... but what he actually did is, he flashed you all the other cards at a very fast rate that you cant actually see what the cards are except for one... and that one card is the only one that will register to your brain... of course, we'll choose the card!!! i wondered how that was done so i asked everybody else what they chose.. didn't you wonder why everybody else chose the same card???... so, he actually didn't guess it but instead, he made us choose it.. all we can see from that is that the key is making people think what he wants you to think... he already has a set of plan and he just wants you to go into it.. then, it isn't spontaneous after all... and maybe he has alternatives in case of freak variations... another one is this david copperfield's net trick where he makes you choose a card in a flash presentation by just thinking of it and then he claims to know what you were thinking... then he flashes you the choices of card he gave you a while ago and says "Look, i took the card"... You'll be surprised that the card is really missing!!! and it all happens so quick that we wouldn't be able to see how it was done... well, i managed to open it through powerpoint and look at the flashed pages one by one... turns out, he just showed you another set of cards rather than the original set... of course, the card you thought of wouldn't be there... but, here's where the assault to the senses come in: 1st of all, he viewed it at a very fast rate that you wouldn't be able to memorize all the other cards except the one you focused on and thought of... then the final trick is a game on the mind... coz as u think of the card you see in the pc, we actually think of it not as the card made of lighted up pixels of ur monitor but instead, we think of them as real, tangible cards as the brain associates them with the cards you once held in your hands while playing tong-its or ungoy-unguyan... by that, you wouldn't question the magic like that because uv never seen real cards turn into another card , have you??? and another mock to human nature in that is it tells you after it takes the card to "look for your card from the choices" and it's gone coz "he took it"... what you would do is look for the ONE card tht you know... the one that ISN'T there... so, you wouldn't find it... why didn't we just look at the cards one by one and see what is THERE not what is NOT there??? coz looking for one missing card out of 6 cards takes much less effort... shows how people tend to find the easy and obvious way..
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| Dreams... Gloom and grief in heaven... |
| 06.11.04 (8:45 am) [edit] |
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just had a dream... actually, as you all probably know, we have dreams everyday... we just forget it most of the time... this dreams of mine are just the ones i particularly remember... just yesterday, i dreamed of dying... and at first i loved the feeling... you know that feeling that when you die all the conflicts in ur heart and head will finally be resolved... all your deepest anxieties and traumas will finally be settled... it was so realistic... it was as if i really died... i then woke up in heaven (well, what my dream claimed to be heaven)... it was a big dome shaped building in the sky with many huge arc- shaped windows (actually, they're not windows at all... they look like doors... even bigger)... and the ambiance was so... so... happy and peaceful... i can probably describe it by two colors, white and bright, glimmering, afternoon yellow... we were all wearing white shirts and pants (parang suot niyo nung speech choir ba un)... and i even saw my old friends and classmates.. for some reason, i particularly remember seeing Karen (standing out, wearing a blue "maong" pants with pink linings and green step-in shoes) and Anthony (playing magic and telling his jokes...) (though they didn't have faces at all in my dream)... I asked them in a joking tune but i was actually serious "does going to heaven give me any new amazing powers??? i mean, this is heaven and all..." they said, "hey, why don't you just try it out for yourself" and i jumped all around high... i was so happy feeling so free... i thought, this is useless... it wouldn't be special at all coz everybody else can probably do it... and then i wondered, why aren't they doing the same thing... i mean, they surely can do it too... then i fell out of the heaven (something stupid) and fell down... but i didn't hit the ground... I fell back down to the heaven's tiled floor... it's as if after falling down to the bottom, you will fall back... it did not get hurt or anything but it felt so odd that you would not do it again!! it felt like every molecule in you body was rearranged... then, i stood up and noticed a huge list of thousands in the wall... it was like an LCD monitor with the letters all lighted green... like a flight list in an airport, where all the recent flights of souls were listed... and at the very top of the list I read, Australyn T. Pereyra... and I wondered, why hasn't her last name changed yet??? it's been 20 earth yrs.... hasn't she married anybody yet??? i felt a great feeling of excitement... and then there was an astounding sighting of thousands of souls, all crummed in one huge cloud and flying around the circumference of the heaven... some souls passed right through heaven's huge doors in enormous clusters and some fell right down to the floor... it was like they were passing through a strainer and being filtered... Her soul stood out to my eye though she didn't look like the person i know anymore... and i was wondering why she was one of the souls that didn't even pass through heaven... I then realized that she was already leaving the place... Why??? it was like she didn't even see it... is she going somewhere else??? i mean, what place could be better than heaven... she was looking on another direction and i was on a sudden panic... I was running from one door to another shouting her name, which wasn't even heard at all and only sounded like a blur... then she was gone... My eyes were full of tears when I woke up... and I wondered, was that even really heaven at all???
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| Summary of summer... boring... boring... boring... |
| 06.11.04 (5:56 am) [edit] |
what a boring summer it has been... i did absolutely nothing useful, productive or exciting the whole summer... and only ten days to go and it's over... what a waste... and guess what the "grand finale" of my summer is??? i finally finished the whole tekken tag tournament game i bought... what an accomplishment, ei?? and i haven't even been able to finish the x- men, next dimension game i bought... one reason is that i got disappointed with the game coz the characters didn't look like the original characters... im not much of an x- men fanatic but i know what looks right... and the other reason is, i've been using the key variations for tekken throughout the whole game... it's so hard to think of all the possible key variations that has a matching technic... so, since i played the game, i haven't been able to get pass through this heavily armored sentinel- A using the good for nothing Forge... i don't even see why he's in x- men... i mean, what powers does he have except that organic metal leg of his and his high- tech gun???... i think i would even make a better x- men member than him, given the same weapon... hehe!!! katarantaduhan na lang lahat to coz today im totally bored... i wish my life was a bit more exciting... oh, i was careful for what i wished for coz i said and i wanna emphasize "A BIT"... i don't want the typical secret agent blah blah life some kids are dreaming of... i haven't even been able to get any form of excercise!!! my bike got stolen... and a scooter gives the same amount of excitement and thrill but it's no excercise at all... well, i better make the most of my remaining 10 days...
@Lesson of the day, Squidward style: If there is freedom of expression, there is freedom of speech… If there is freedom of speech, there is freedom of “pambabara”… So, if someone tells you to shut up and zip it or any other way to contradict and mess up what ur trying to say, don’t go complaining and reasoning that “I have freedom of speech… I can say what I want”… coz, saying “Shut up” is one way of expressing oneself and therefore, he has the freedom to say it!!!
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| I just like the song... la lang... |
| 06.10.04 (8:06 pm) [edit] |
"The Art Of Letting Go"
Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?
Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.
Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door
Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go
Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you
Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.
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| Tenacious D |
| 06.08.04 (4:31 am) [edit] |
nothing worth posting... i was just recently into this Tenacious D band and their self- titled album... it was wacky and hilarious... the compositions were great... i like it for the music... the songs were pointless, though... but, sometimes, being pointless is the whole point in art, isn't it???... well, not much to say... they even included some dialogues as intros for the songs... here are some... you might find it somehow offensive or something... dunno if they have a 2nd or any upcoming album... but that's definitely something to look forward to... hehe!!
Cock Pushups Lyrics
KG: Do you think that um, do you think that when the album, when this is out...
JB: Yeah?
KG: Do you think it will make us um, more attractive to the ladies?
JB: Pshh, yeah, in fact, I been getting ready.
KG: Yeah?
JB: Yeah, I been doin cock pushups.
KG: Cock Pushups?
JB: Yeah.
KG: What are those?
JB: Its where you fuckin lay down flat on the ground.
KG: Yeah...
JB: And then you let your boner lift you up off the ground.
KG: N...no, that's, that'd be impossible. Your cock can support your whole
weight?
JB: Well not at first...
KG: Yeah?
JB: But over time.
KG: Hmm...how many pushups can you do?
JB: ...cock pushups?
KG: Yeah...I guess, you could only do one really.
JB: Yeah, well one is all ya need
Inward Singing Lyrics
(Kyle Gass snores loudly)
Jack Black: Oh my god. Oh my god, I've done it.
(shouts) Cage! Come here, I want you!
Kyle: What? What?? God! I'm sleeping, dude!
What are you talking about...
Jack: Oh my god.
Kyle: What?
Jack: I did it.
Kyle: What d'ya do?
Jack: I've done it. I fuckin' did it.
The most powerful tool in singing technology since yodelling, dude.
Oh my god, inward singing.
Kyle: What?
Jack: Check it out, it's an invention.
And it makes non-stop rocking possible.
(shouts) Think about it, man!
Rock singers are only rocking you half of the time!
The other time they're...they're...they're...they're breathing! In!
But not anymore, baby! hahahahaha!! Not with inward singing, check it out!
(Jack sings inwards, then outwards. while doing this, he sings:)
And then I start some lyrics and you can't believe I'm singing
And I'm never fucking stopping
And I'm always fucking singing
And now you know that I will never stop the fucking singing
I'm like a fucking one-man band
I'm like a fucking one-man band!
(Jack then starts talking again)
And I can sing like that all fucking night!
Kyle: ...Wow....It wasn't really non-stop though, there was a slight...
Jack: (shouts) Arrgh, shut up! It is non-stop!
And the other thing is, that when I'm fuckin' singing in,
it sounds even better!
Than when I'm singing out! Shut up! Fuck you! You fucking dick!
Always nay-saying...everything I create! You piece of shit!
YOU create something like inward singing! You fucking shit!
You fucking sit in your tower! Fucking nap...
Kyle: (laughing)
Jack: What's funny??.... You fucking bitch! Fucking...fuck you!
Fuckin'...cock ass!!
(Jack pauses for a minute to breathe)
Jack: You're fired from the band.
Kyle: Um, that won't be necessary, Jack.
Jack: Why?
Kyle: I'm quitting.
Jack: What?
Kyle: I quit.
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| Here goes the stupid idealistic philanthropist... |
| 06.05.04 (6:27 am) [edit] |
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I was already lying on my bed... when I watched this movie, Batman beyond yta un... (Ei, it made me remember Dalton... as in that "above and beyond" slogan... to be honest, im not so crazy bout that... feel ko may pgka O.A... Uy, sorry ah... don't wanna offend anybody...) newayz, from time to time, I took a peek at this "Imbestigador" show with that big- nosed and funny voiced newscaster guy... It was about a young girl who was claiming that she was raped by their 53 y.o. principal... I'm not sure if she's telling the truth or she just has a good imagination and persuation power (you can never be sure) but, I felt a great deal of pity for her... I mean, look at her, she's a young "probinsyana" girl, not capable of doing anything to defend herself... How can someone abuse such an innocent young lady??? And as I heard her tell the story, it was as if I am witnessing what happened to her right in front of me... And I clenched my fists in hate of that principal guy... (it would have sounded like a mere "kiss- and- tell" story, but it's the emotions that convinced me... One can never fake emotions and sound like that... Even professional actresses are not that convincing...) Arrrghh, my emotions are still all stirred up that I can't say what I want well... Here goes... what a cruel and unjust world!!! and now I want to help such people as that "Nene" girl, who doesn't stand a chance in the world we live in... I find beauty in innocence and purity of heart... "Ok lang ang taong tanga pero ayaw ko ng taong gago"... and such beauty I see is always destroyed... If only I had any way to help her... Well, in her case, the best someone can do is save her from the trauma the experience has left her and take her away from anyone that can abuse her innocence ever again... Oh, god, I'm so stirred up... Someday, I'll help people like her... with the personal attention I would give... I really wish I could do that now... and my catch in it (of course there is), I will feel accomplished and the thought that she feels thankful for me having helped her... what more if that person gives me a warm and emotional thank you... At last, someone would appreciate me...
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| aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh!!! |
| 06.05.04 (3:22 am) [edit] |
i hate it!!! today, im driving myself nuts!!! as in too uneasy and unstable for comfort... im just walking, then suddenly, stupid thoughts and emotions come rushing to me... and i can't keep them from overflowing and drowning my rational thinking (by that, i mean, rational thinking in life as in the present... my small, everyday, decisions... sorry coz i can't find the right words) ... i try to write them in my cell phone as an outlet (i lost my pad)... problem is, my cellphone's outbox is already full... as a result, i can't save it... then, my cellphone goes low bat!!! it all suddenly disappears like bubbles popping... and now, i have to recall them coz i feel like that's something i must remember while i still am thinking and feeling something else... and it's actually a very confusing process for me-- converting abstract things to words (still not concrete enough) without losing the essence... some things get lost in the translation... and, this is not in my nature, but in such matters, i am an obsessive perfectionist... aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
@Fear of the day: Fear of predestination as i remember my dream of hearing sounds 5 seconds advanced and existing in two different times... i'll tell the story next time... it was freaky...
@Provocation of the day: That thing i said a while ago and my brother always telling me... "Di ka nag-iisip eh"... When he hasn't even heard the entire plan... i told him to ask for money to buy extra food for the afternoon... P 50 will do... and he says that dreaded words that any older brother would be insulted to hear from a young dude... He reasoned that if we asked for money now, we won't be getting money next time anymore... He spoke as if he was full of wisdom... And I want to say, "when do you think the next time will be??!! we already have classes by then... and classes= allowance..." I may not be so smart but at least i think... Then the "persecution- complex" from being accused of using the internet all night long when i was asleep at that time...
@Memory of the day: HER, my sweetest and sadest memory... and im feeling really sorry because im starting to realize my mistakes... but, i did that all because i loved her... i cared about the future... stupid me, i was sacrificing her present happiness for our future... now, that future will never even exists coz i ruined it... i don't want to blame her anymore so im taking all of the blame... she never would have been that way to me... and LOVING means not asking to be loved back... I shouldn't have expected that she loves me the same way, if she hadn't told me... and now i fear that i might have to completely forget her...
@Food of the day: Shawarma, kesong puti, at gatas ng kalabaw...
@Sound of the day: the buzzing sound of flies and mosquitos flying near ur ears...
@Physical pain of the day: Sore muscles all over my chest, at the sides of my body and near my shoulder blades!!!!
@"Tama" of the day: tamang kulit...
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| Boring day... |
| 06.03.04 (4:37 pm) [edit] |
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well, haven't posted for quite a while... haven't been visiting any blogs either... today, not much happened coz it's pretty early... I just tricked ate Melody into choosing dr.P diapers over t- back... I knew she was very disgusted of wearing such a daring underwear so I asked her "pili ka... Dr.P. o t-back???" of course, she would take the other option because she already automatically rejected the t- in her mind without considering what I was going to let her choose from... What a mistake coz she didn't know that Dr.P was a diaper for adults... then, in a very serious and dramatic tone, I told her... "ate Melody, kapag sakaling namatay ako.... sayo na lang ung mga medyas, brief at sando ko"... well, she was surprised... what is she to do with those... out of all I can give her... It was just a joke... Besides my daily pestering of ate Melody, not much happened today... just wanted to post something and maybe, tonight i can post the rest of my day and those entries that I wasn't able to post... coz I can only use the internet before and after office hours...
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| Badluck... racism... and the rest of my pointless existence.. |
| 05.28.04 (4:20 pm) [edit] |
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Today... badluck took over... if there is such... i woke up and ate the remaining "sinigang" that we had yesterday... i heated it up... but then it got so hot and i don't think i will be able to taste anything for the rest of the day... and i was so clumsy that i was choked by the seeds of an "okra'!!!! and then i pestered ate Melody with some stupid questions like... "Kung mansanas ang puno, ano ang bunga???" of course she would answer, "mansanas din"... but when i asked her "Kung isda ang kinain, ano ang itatae mo???", then because of "attentional inertia", she would be likely to make a mistake and answer "eh natural, isda rin"... but if you're aware that you're being tried to be tricked, you should be alert and focus on the datails... but, no, she didn't!!! then she was compaining about me having a "mabigat na kamay" because whenever i touch her when she tries to wresstle me when she gets annoyed, i hold her back and the day after, she complains about having some bruises in her forearms and shoulders... then i was joking her again by making her slap me on the face then i would just turn the other cheek!!!! then if she throws anything on me, i would throw back a piece of 'pandesal' to her face.... sort of taking the teachings of the bible literally... After that, I was using the spray that we "arbored" from the barber shop to squirt water at her... Then, she after cleaning the house, I was surprised when she picked up a more powerful watergun and fought back!!! too bad for her, I mixed shampoo with the water i was using and her eyes got sore and she spat out again and again because of the bitter taste of the shampoo... then, it's pretty early but when i read claire's blog... i saw another funny side of human nature... you know, people really try to avoid being racists... you know, because they are far more progressive thinkers than that... because they are not 'barbaric" anymore, as Jomar would probably say... BUT, by doing so, they tend to become even more racially prejudiced because they, though they badly try to deny, biased towards the other race!!! for example, you try to avoid being racist on Fantasia that you actually become in favor of her just so as people wouldn't say you're a damn bigot!!! well, in the case of fantasia, that may not be always true because she is undeniably talented... I admit, i am a little of a racist... I am half Chinese but sometimes, i tend to be annoyd by the chinese traits and culture... and i also tend to judge people partly by their race... Well, i have a pretty good explanation for that... In my "teoryang barok", I believe that the human mind is highly "plastic", meaning modifiable by experience, but the natural blueprint of the mind and character is partly hereditary... think of it, if you see a Labrador, you would almost be sure that they would be playful though big... and if you see a Pitbull, you would almost be sure that they would be fierce and agressive... Pretty much the same in humans, though a little more compex and variable bacause of the molding effect of experience... but, that natural blueprint stays in the unconcious part... So, I believe Ilokanos, Ilonggos (or whatever that race may be) have tendencies to be "kuripot' and Pampanguenos tend to be "arogante at magarbo" (if that's the right assumption)... Especially if they are natives of that race! But of course, I would give chances and my first impressions don't always last... Another part of it would be the conditions where their race was cultivated... If Ilonggos were once living in hostile lands, then they would evolve to be "kuripot" to survive... It would stick to their culture... AND, if i continute tracing this back, it would take all day... and this doesn't make much sense at all so I would stop here!!! hehe!!! that thing about the avoiding racism is just like the thing i find funny in people. trying to find faster and less traffic routes in the road... When they think that it is not traffic in another route, they would all go there not knowing that many of them were also thinking the same... Then, they are surprised that the route became traffic!!! of course, you piled yourself up in that route!!! Oh my god!!! i still need to find a way to meet my friend, Ate Joy!!! i consider her my best friend though she's already in 4rth year college and we have never met at all... But, the thing is, we might be going to Dumaguete and i don't have money!!! Shit!!! I wouldn't want her to think na "iinjanin" ko siya at di ako "sisipot"!!! Still have to call her and explain...
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| Ako ang beer na light na extra strong!!! hehe!!! Simple but sensible quotes... |
| 05.27.04 (3:02 am) [edit] |
"wait an hour... take a piss, feel the bliss!!!"
the quotes i make really sound stupid huh!!! well, it is!!! but i can explain... don't judge it yet... hehe!! don't be like those people in The Little Prince who judged the funky looking scientist in a costume... first of all, i don't look funky... and the essense in this stupid quote of mine is prolonging small, petty pleasures and enduring hardships for a bigger pleasure... this is probably the secret of the true "magagaling na tarantado" people... they won't make a kill immediately... and you might mistake them for letting a great opportunity slip their grasp... but on the contrary, they see the bigger picture... patience is the secret!!!
"Palakihin mo muna ang baboy bago mo katayin"...
it means almost the same thing... and as my dad would say in this self-explenatory but often missed and forgotten quotes of mine, "May matuwid ang iyong baluktot" hehe!!
?It may not bark, but it sure might bite?
this one, I made by myself? not sure if someone else has already made such a quote? personally, I kinda like simple quotes? that?s why I chose this one to write? doesn?t give me a hard time rephrasing, enriching and simplifying what I want to say? and it?s pretty self explanatory.. and you?ve guessed it!!! I got the idea from that song dancing in the moonlight?
?Speak softly? carry a big stick??
this one? my dad read from some book.. it was said by some famous military leader? get it??? and i apply this in real life... hehe!!!
?A cat can have kittens in the oven, but that doesn?t make them cookies?
?If the shoe don?t fit you, then it aint yours?
these two? I heard from Frasier? hehe!!
?an idle mind is a devil?s workshop?
this one? was said by no other than our well- known and highly- respected social studies teacher in the first year, Mrs. Alejandro!!!! I remembered it a few days ago when I was watching the news about some girl who was raped and killed? and I said to my dad? ?Maiintindihan ko pa kung pumatay para sa pera? syempre kailangan niya yun para mabuhay? that?s one of the laws of nature? pero eto, malabo na talaga ito?? and he explained? ?that?s why you need to work? work as in have a purpose.. something to do? kc an idle mind has plenty of room for such?? And so I remembered this quote?
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| Melody... Circumcision... and "Boss Adik"... hehe!!! |
| 05.27.04 (2:44 am) [edit] |
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Melody is our maid whom I was always making fun of One time, before we went to the swimming, I really pissed her off because I was picking on her that whole day I woke up early and I saw her sitting and I talked to her about non- sense stuff but it didnt work so I stopped She even liked the topics then, I told her to look at a picture of a handsome model in her bench paper bag and asked her what would she change in the models face to make it look like her boyfriend I was actually trying to see what parts of his boyfriends face she was not contented with But, again, I failed because she was actually very contented with her b.f. or she was just joking with me Mas pogi pa diyan b.f. ko, she said But then I really caught her off- guard when she was taking a bath and I put that bench paper bag with a face of a guy in the window of our C.R She screamed, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! and she was really surprised it gave me a very good laugh I laughed hard and so did she!!! Then, one time, she was cutting onions and I saw tears flowing down her eyes and I told her, Bakit ka umiiyak???? Naaawa ka sa sibuyas!!! Napaka-sensitive mo naman para bagang hayop yan o tao eh when all along, I knew she was crying because of the effect of the onions scent but she took my argument!!! And I told her ang pumapatol sa tanga, ay mas tanga pa and then I tried spraying my water gun at her while she was folding our clothes and then I asked her to look at the ball I was holding and imagine something as in, anything. Just trying to see if she was alert but pretty soon, she was daydreaming and I tossed the ball and it hit her in the chest oh, speaking of the chest, I knew one question that never fails to get her mad, Uuuuuuy!!! Hala!!! Ano yang nasa dibdib mo????!!!! so, just imagine how miserable each day of her life is with me around hehe!!! But I give her a lot of credit for being such a sport and putting up with me And as a consolation prize, I sometimes help her with the chores and sometimes, although very seldom, I have a decent conversation with her and even give her advise on her life Sometimes, they were really obscene but was also very practical like one time when she said that she wanted to go to Japan to be a dancer and I greatly worried about that and I told her that a lot comes along with that occupation like it would also make her a prostitute and I told her pag pinutol ko kamay mo, magkano mo ibebenta??? she answered. abah, mahigit pa sa 1 million!!! eh, kapag paa mo pinutol ko, tingin mo magkano dapat???, ganun din and finally, Kung ganun pala kataas ang pagpapahalaga mo sa sarili mo, bakit mo ibebenta mo sarili mo sa mga hapon sa murang halaga lang?????!!! actually, even 1 million wouldnt be enough to pay for any of my limbs, if I were the one asked 1 million is actually worthless in real life!!! The thought of it is just surprising to the ear And I also told her not to continue her 4rth year in high school because she was already 19 and it would not change a thing anymore you know, it wont get her a better job She should just save her money!!! Hehe!!! Enough with the anecdote the next topic would be circumcision!!! Hehe!!! Because my little bro just got circumcised I remember when I was trying to reason my way out of that awful experience coz I wanted to make the most out of my summer and besides, wheres the reason in that???? Everyone knows it actually has no medical purpose!!! I tried various excuses like Nabubutihang balot at protektado, sisirain niyo!!, Kumpletong tao ako eh, tapos babawasan niyo too bad, I was cornered my dad told me that I would be pestered my entire life if I didnt go through it Then I want to tell you about our nasty artist in our compute shop Richard Golimlim!!! Our other employees were complaining about him he is the manager of the shop and he calls himself and also wants everybody else to call him by the name, Boss adik and his habits are just so disgusting!!! He scratches his balls and his butt then he touches the mouse and keyboard of the PCs in the shop!!! He picks his nose with a Panda ball pen and a rolled face towel!!! Then he suddenly touches his nipples in the middle of a conversation with him but, that doesnt bother us at all coz hes such a talented artist and designer of the yearbooks we make
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| Logical thinking lost... in the flight of a desperate heart... |
| 05.26.04 (4:02 pm) [edit] |
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I went out this time, Im on my feet rather than on wheels I walked to the not so near park just to think things over It was about 8:00 in the evening I sat on a swing Taking a look around me, happy lovers sitting on a big narra tree the tree was bent slanting down to the ground like a big bench I think its because it was already cut long ago and it rooted itself back to the ground They were just so happy--- sitting together, smiling at each other, bodies all tangled up with their partners and just telling stories They seem to be so happy for now I pity them Pretty soon the girls will be getting pregnant and will be forced to live under one roof with someone who doesnt even care for them Thats as good as it can be They might even be left by their temporary lovers I pity me Loving so much and so truly yet Im here, all alone and lonely I always cared about the future our future HER future Themthey seem to care about here and now I thought, what if I become just like them Tickling my lovers fancies and telling her want she wants to hear rather than what I really feel and whats really on my mind I mean, it pays off theyre just so happy together But, then again, I cant stand the guilt I only say what I mean thats why I say so little I sat there, thinking of things I have to ask her I had no pen and paper so I wrote on the sand underneath the swing a single word can remind me so much a single letter brings back so many memories And every time I see something related to her, it just brings back so much memories I got tired of looking around so I looked up and as I looked up, I saw very few shining stars that decorated the mosaic of the heavens then I blinked and took a closer look, and I saw many many stars and one always tends to see only the brightest of them Maybe that could mean something At the height of ambition, you would only see the grandest options but when you take a closer look, you would realize, that in life, you have so many options So even a little bit, I was consoled and I would like to believe that that was God giving me the answers to my prayers then I saw another answer, seeing this kid play with the swing and swing really high up in the air I said to myself Bibong-bibo to ah, kandidato ito sa bukol then he just fell to the ground and hit the sand with much momentum good for him, he stood up immediately with a very small scratch in the forehead and then I suddenly learned a lesson, the higher you fly, the harder you fall and I was flying so high and almost defying gravity lost in love and the way he immediately stood up inspired me to do the same stand up!! Even more seemingly miraculous when I was about to sleep at home I asked the biggest question ever made, WHY??? Then much to my surprise, I got bored and picked up the book, The Little Prince, even though I have already read it when I was just a kid And the part about him leaving the flower when the flower was being so vain and even lying to get what she wants then the little prince made an escape from her and a long time after that, he realized that the flower he had was very special!!!! the flower was the only one for him even if there was a thousand more of that flower and it touched me when I read the part about taming I can never replace her!!! Even if there are so many all over the world who is almost like her the time and love I invested on her makes the difference. And then he also realized that the flowers little mistakes and lies should have been forgotten and accepted because she brought much fragrance and beauty to his small planet. Thanks to God, I had my answers But too bad for me, my emotions are too violently loud for me to hear them I am not yet contented and why is God giving me such contradicting and confusing answers (even more mysterious when I was pressing the shift key to capitalize the G in God it wont become a big G until the 5th time I pressed it sounds superstitious but that might mean that one of the answers was not from God)
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| I'M SORRY... |
| 05.20.04 (6:10 am) [edit] |
I'M SORRY... IM SURE THIS BLOG IS BEGINNING TO BORE YOU, BY NOW... I HAVEN'T POSTED ANYTHING FOR QUITE A LONG TIME... THIS IS MY ONLY WAY CONNECTING TO YOU PEOPLE... newayz, its jus lately that I realized how long and how far Ive gone off track... And yet, Ive been speeding I took this journey as a race and I thought I was on the lead until I realized that I was on the wrong way Sure, I followed my principle be one of the best on whatever I do Not knowing that I was doing my best on the wrong, and not worthwhile things My priorities were all screwed upit's just now that I've been trying to find a big U- turn slot in this fast- paced highway of life... and Its just now Ive found that much awaited chance of mine to turn back and start again... and after that, I still have to make big choices in this multiple branching intersections... and of course, I need a stop to think things over... and I'm glad I saw this bright red light... some time... too busy doing nothing... nothing but thinking... slowly but surely... and all these scrambled froth of thoughts in my head settle to it's back to it's natural flow... coz I still consider taking the same lovely road I once took a free, smooth- sailing highway where we give and take and we run freely from all the rules and restrictions the law has ever made Its so sad that it seems that this road has been permanently blocked from me... And I really wanted to take that wonderful route so badly, regardless of where it would take me and I remembered how much I was obsessed with that piece of the road I had for myself Looking back, that was very foolish of me because no matter how smooth and beautiful that part of the road may be, it would take me nowhere it would just leave me stranded and lost AS DAN AND I WOULD SAY... YOU MIGHT FEEL LIKE A POET, BUT YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT!!! UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, I NEITHER FEEL NOR SOUND LIKE A POET... I JUST TALK!!! HEHEHEHEHE!!!
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| Funky events... What a funky day... |
| 05.10.04 (6:57 am) [edit] |
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Funky"... out of all the words I could add to enrich my active vocabulary, I chose "funky"... I like this word... Why??? it's a very versatile adjective!!! You can use it to describe anything as long as you mean something weird or suspicious or many other things... you just write it with confidence... It doesn't have any synonym in the microsoft word thesaurus... speaking of funky, i got that word from the movie I watched that made me laugh til tears fell from my eyes... that comedy movie, Corky Romano!!! I don't think you'll like that movie too... considering that you're such intellectual people with much skill in choosing the most sensible movies... it's almost like that slap stick style comedy that would make you sick to your stomachs... But, when I look at it... In watching comedy movies, it doesn't have to have much depth at all... I mean, the more it doesn't require the effort of thinking to get the jokes, the easier I burst into laughter... it's something spontaneous... You know that Frasier tele- series in star world??? they're so damn refined but when you look at it, they're just one big freak show!!! that's what makes me laugh sometimes... the irony in the stupidity and shallowness of such supposed-to-be intellectual people... And another show that makes me laugh is that show Just Shoot Me... I very seldom watch it but it will do... it just makes me feel so disappointed about the world noticing that their lives revolve around fashion, parties, and the most intriguing of all, xes!!! (you know what i mean... i just dnt wanna see tht word coz it makes me feel very uncomfortble... the idea instilled into it by our society just makes me scared of growing up) Back to the story, it's a funky day because I was walking at about 8:00 in the evening to buy a cup of mocha Zagu shake and I saw this young girl from the place where I always buy shawarma... She was walking alone in the dark... and I saw these funky looking guys with their nasty looks on her... so I went to back the girl up in case anything bad happens... and it surprised me when she ran away from me like she was really terrified!!! not by the "goony" luking guys but by me... One thing I wanna tell her is that hello, I'm the good guy here... Another funky thing I wanna tell you all is the funkiest of all... that big event in the big event, the basketball league... the team, Maxibilt is composed of hotheaded over- aged players playing in the mosquito division... one of them picked a fight with the referee and kicked him twice... of course, the referee fought back... before you know it, they're all in one big riot with the Maxibilt fans all over the referee and the people from the plaza who were just trying to mediate... then one guy, with his shirt all torn apart and his bare nipples showing, momentarily stops the chaos by screaming "Hindi naman ako kasama dito ah... bakit dinadamay niyo ako!!!" Suddenly, he brought out a samurai!!! the people, instead of running, looked at the samurai in sheer amazement instead of fear and said "Oooooooh", as if in a cartoon... He went around swaying it on the Maxibilt players... Pretty soon they were all running for their lives and one almost got slashed... Sounds unbelievable, huh... Well, I can't believe my own eyes either... Pero you can ask for yourself and I'm placing my bet on it... The funny and funky thing is the day after, league is back in action and everyone acted almost as if nothing happened... but ask them and it's something they would never forget...
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| Some of my fears... |
| 05.08.04 (10:32 pm) [edit] |
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Sometimes it scares me that I might get attached to the songs I like so much and I might slowly and unconsciously convince my mind to pattern my life into that music I mean, at first you would like plainly the music itself how it makes you feel but once you become aware of the lyrics and its message and you begin to like it too, thats something that really alarms me You know, the immorality in all the popular music nowadays or just the fact that it might disrupt and dominate the way you make decisions in your life as you unconsciously pattern your thinking into the music And it scares me even more if same sort of thing happens to one of the very few people I love (especially Her)
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| Songs again... |
| 05.08.04 (10:29 pm) [edit] |
Most songs we like because we can relate to it... But, sometimes we like songs even if we can't relate to it... even if it's really far from our situation... Sometimes it's not the lyrics at all... It might be the music... But for me, it is usually because it triggers your mind to remember... There are songs that make me remember the exact feeling... the smell, the taste, the sights, the ambiance, everything... of a certain time in my life that I want to remember Like these songs...
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
You were looking down on me
Lost out in space
We laid underneath the stars
Strung out and feeling brave
I watched the red orange glow
I watched you float away
Down here in the atmosphere
Garbage and city lights
You've gone to save your tired soul
You've gone to save our lives
I turned on the radio
To find you on satellite
Im waiting for this sky to fall
Im waiting for a sign
All we are
Is all so far
You're falling back to me
You're a star that I can see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
Hope you remember me
When you're home sick
and need a change
I miss your purple hair
I miss the way you taste
I know you'll come back someday
On a bed of nails Ill wait
Im praying that you dont burn out
Or fade away
All we are
Is all so far
You're falling back to me
You're a star that I can see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling back to me
You're a star that I can see
I know you're out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling back to me
You're a star that I can see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling back to me
I know
I know
You're falling out of reach
I know
this one... i like because it reminds me of our field trip... It was in 1st year... it was really memorable to me because i met Australyn there... for the 2nd time, that is... I was getting all wild with my classmates... like sum sort of chimp, i was making my way from the front to the end of the bus... I never knew that one look can tame me down... and after that, in a very very wide parking lot, my friend J.M. and I were just running... running as fast as we can... as if we were being chased... nothing in our minds... running like there's no tommorow... It felt so free... and I was surprised when I saw her running to and we passed her...
DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT
We get it on most every night
when that moon is big and bright
its a supernatural delight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight
we get
everybody here is out of sight
they dont bark and they dont bite
they keep things loose they keep it tight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight
dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight
we like our fun and we never fight
you cant dance and stay uptight
its a supernatural delight
everybody was dancing in the moonlight
dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight
we get in on most every night
and when that moon is big and bright
its a supernatural delight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight
dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight
[repeat and fade]
WASTING MY TIME
Well I don't want to see you waiting
I've already gone too far away
I still can't keep the day from ending
No more messed up reasons for me to stay
Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason
Let's make the call
And take it all again
Woah again
Months went by with us pretending
When did our light turn from green to red
I took a chance and left you standing
Lost the will to do this once again
Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason
Let's make the call
And take it all
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time again
Woah again
See you waiting
Lonesome, lonely
See you waiting
I see you waiting
Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason
Let's make the call
And take it all
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting...
These songs, I remember the times when I was somehow humiliating myself by working in renovating the house of our neighbor... construction... I like putting myself down to earth... it reminds me of my limitations and yet, it makes me feel lucky that I am doing it by choice... not having no other choice than to live like that... (Hey... too much bout that... I should not boast about humility...) I remember when I woke up early everyday to buy food for the chickens... as a favor for Noli... i rode my bike... then me and my friends work for 3 days renovating a house... getting dirt all over me and learning how to mix cement... all the fun in hammering to wreck unwanted structures... learning to be patient with those young daughters of the owner of the house who kept bugging us to do things that were not in our job description (like fixing their pool... their bikes... etc. I deleted the adjective but it's somehow true... their pretty weird and unique when you get to know them).. and after all those, just having a light, pointless conversation with my friends... waiting for the payment... and just giving it away to my friend, Randy, because he ran away from his father After that, he was sleeping in the plaza everyday and he was eating a few packs of Marie biscuits to survive each day Oh, those days crept to my memories whenever I heard these songs... I was homesick even after 10 months that we left that place and I was already in 1st year... And these were also the days when I was making use of the little of what I learned in boxing and my friends were setting up fights and placing their bets on me... I only got half of the money...
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| Heaven knows... |
| 05.06.04 (11:50 am) [edit] |
She's always on my mind from the time
I wake up 'till I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know
And though she's so far away
It just keeps gettin' stronger
Heaven knows every day
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
'cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows
My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine
So tell me where do I start
'cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows
WHY I LIVE IN DESPAIR
'CAUSE WIDE AWAKE OR DREAMING
I KNOW SHE'S NEVER THERE
AND ALL THE TIME I ASK SO BRAVE
I'M SHAKING INSIDE
WHY DOES IT HURT ME SO
(these are the lines which I can really relate to...)
Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows
Heaven knows
Heaven knows
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| Love... |
| 05.06.04 (11:10 am) [edit] |
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I woke up today with a hang- over not that was drunk yesterday or anything I was intoxicated with indescribable emotions all I know is that theyre intense and in the purest and crudest form And I think theyll be staying with me for a really long time It was partly from the unresolved conflicts my girlfriend and I left last night See, I never let a day pass without fixing any arguments and altercations that I believe will be crucial in our relationship I have so many times made such compromises that bent my will down to the ground And still, I return to my normal state of peace and harmony of feelings and thoughts I just need to feel assured But now, Im feeling really disturbed Its such a sad day for me I swallowed all my pride I begged I tried the best I can This is such a disappointment for me Ive succeeded on the things that I took seriously And I took this most seriously than anything I loved so much I even remember me telling myself whenever I questioned why I was doing such things that seemed really unreasonable just for the sake of love I comforted myself I thought They can say anything they want but I will never give- up this is the real thing this is all Ive ever dreamed of someday, I will look back and laugh at them who discourage me and say that I have my priorities all screwed- up I have a partner We are invincible Well beat the odds together Little did I know that all those high spirited thinking of mine was just like giving morphine to my dying dreams I dont even wanna talk about it because I dont wanna ruin her It would be unfair I try my best to be unbiased but of course, this might still be a little inclined to me Shes actually a very good person a very beautiful person inside and out (Im sorry I can only speak with such broad positive descriptions of her because I admit, Im still a little bit confused right now) Theres nothing for me to hate about her except that she told me that she loves me truly but it seems like she actually doesnt Im not being self- righteous here but I believe I deserve better than to be treated like this I know I have also wronged her many times, but I explained to her so many times that I was doing it all just for us Mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ko You have given me so much love but I need peace I need the truth yun lang I have grown to love you so much kaya I can accept you for whoever you are If I will be living with you for the rest of my entire life, I need to know who you really are what you really want who you really want to be your dreams your deepest thoughts your intentions I just want you to be completely honest and open to me honesty, dedication and loyalty thats all I ask Its not as if Im asking for intimacy or anything Kaya kung ganito ako, please understand my frustrations Lalagpas rin tayo dito the pain and sadness is temporary but the love, peace and happiness I have for you is everlasting I have so much beautiful plans for you I explained But I see so little will in her Maybe we werent really meant to be And what hurts most is being accused that you are the one to bring down the love that you yourself have worked so hard to build And now, seeing the debris all the pieces broken apart... You would not know where to start I would be so eager to rebuild it if Im sure it would be stronger than ever if I know that it would even merely stand a chance but knowing that with the slightest disturbance, it would crumble down again, I fear that I will have to give up once and for all IM SORRY IF MY ENTRY IS LIKE THIS PLEASE DONT BELIEVE ME EASILY JUST LISTEN... I JUST NEED A "SOUNDING BOARD"... YOU KNOW THIS IS CHARGED WITH MY EMOTIONS AND STILL SOMEHOW BIASED
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| Songs... |
| 04.27.04 (9:00 am) [edit] |
Robbie Williams' most decent songs, so far... And, yes, I can relate...
BETTER MAN
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man
ANGELS
I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're grey and old
'cos I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
I'm loving angels instead
And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead
And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
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| Day... |
| 04.27.04 (8:50 am) [edit] |
Today… I enrolled… I went to visit Australyn in their house, where I waited for 3 hours because she and her mother went to Quiapo first to buy some things they needed… Turns out, it was worth it… She was kind to me as she was before… She has changed so much... It's like she isn't the Australyn I love anymore... I hate it when people change… I miss how we were… Yet, I always believe there is hope even though we have been taking this stormy path for quite a while by now… I still love her… I really do… It’s undeniable… But if it wasn’t for our seven long months together and all the love I invested on her, I don’t think I would be able to continue preserving and reviving my feelings for her… I’m greatly disappointed but there’s always room for improvement… I just hope she tells me the truth so that I can adapt to it… I rode a bus home and then an FX… Perfect time for me to think abstract thoughts… And I never get to share ideas to other people for that reason… My thoughts are more of abstract than numerical or lingual… Sure, I can think with numbers and words if the inputs are also numbers or words… But my natural way of thinking is abstract… Blending emotions with logic… And I find it so hard to convert them to words… While on the ride home, I noticed all the posters all over the… Well, all over everywhere… It’s all for the campaigns for the nearing election… Different candidates, different slogans, different jingles… And yet, it really seems like a big foolishness to me… These are still not enough basis for electing someone… I think it would be better if they just gave each of the candidates a short term in the position they’re running for… Sure, this is still not a perfect way… It still has some flaws… But it would be much better than the Pinoy style of campaigning where candidates fool people by giving them false impressions… I find it really pointless interfering with such matters as politics etc. because I know I can’t do anything to change it for the better… I admire those people who are smart and brave enough to stand up and try to make a change and at the same time, I laugh at them… As they say, “If you can’t beat them, join them”… Some people say I’m such a cynical and pessimistic guy… Well, they might be right… But, that’s the best way I can see to be effective… I look at the worst case scenario of things… That way, I can avoid disappointments in my life… You know, you can’t expect people to act as they ought to be… That’s why I look at people as how they really are… Their sub- intentions, what they try to hide, their natural tendencies etc… Even if I have such utopian beliefs and principles in life…
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| I'm not a mad dog... I'm a mad puppy... Grrrrr... |
| 04.25.04 (7:57 am) [edit] |
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I woke up late, as usual Regular routine But, I spent the rest of the day pushing speed limits in my uncle's new scooter... My brother was learning how to drive it... I was trying to make it run as fast as possible... Different theories, different styles and it ran faster but I was not contented... It was getting dark so I decided to take last few round trips and go home... I saw our neighbor riding her scooter too... that girl as old as I am that my other neighbors always envied because they were rich... I remember my friends and I sharing my bike and having such a hard time going up on upwardly slanted roads I even remembered me working for them in renovating their house and wrecking unwanted structures... She was pretty hostile to me than before... I remembered why... She used to call me when we were neighbors... We were once good friends... But then I started hiding from her when the school year started and finally told her to stop calling if she aint gonna say anything important... Oh, and I almost forgot to mention our old friend that we havent seen for quite a while, Randy, a.k.a. Balong He hasnt changed a bit even though its been quite a long time since we last hung around with him He aint much of a good person He looks awful, to be honest with you He aint a smart guy either Not even street smart Hes just Well, hes just Balong The son of our carpenter neighbor, who already passed away The 15 yrs old, short and stealthy thief who was responsible for the lost stuff in the neighborhoodBut, in time weve learned to accept him as he is and appreciate the poor feller The guys harmless Hes fun to be with He wont do u harm when youre on his side HEY, PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I'M USING THIS BLOG THING THE WRONG WAY... I LOOK AT IT AS SUM KINDA DIARY... As implied from it's name itself, "blog"... (b -- LOG)
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| My first blog... :) |
| 04.25.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
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Well, nothing really special today... I woke up late in the afternoon... felt the hot, but humid atmosphere... smelled the mouth- watering scent of the fried hotdogs and eggs and the coffee that wakes me up even just with it's smell... I got up to another boring summer day... took a quick bath... arranged my hair with my hands... Like everything I have, my hair is an organized mess... I did some sit-ups and push-ups... and then proceeded to the basketball court in the plaza... My younger brother was going to teach me how to play... He wanted me in his team next year and he said they would become champions with me... said I had potential... but I knew I sucked in the game... I was improving quite a bit... I had to catch up with them coz they had the advantage of years of experience... I was not playing as "good" as usual coz lately, my girlfriend and I had been having some misunderstandings... It's kinda ironic coz it was her who did me wrong but I'm always the one begging on my knees (I aint gonna tell the whole story)... Im getting really tired with that... I was resting after the game and I amused myself by watching the poor children, probably from the squatter's area nearby, play... Nice, their hairs were dark brown like mine... They're "naturally" brown- haired because of long everyday exposure to the sun... I couldn't help but notice the lovely laughs they had as they chased each other... And so I started to hallucinate... An absurd idea came to me... What if I adopt a young orphan girl... take care of her and invest all my love on her... I would keep her away from this wild world and keep her innocent as she is... But, I will teach her all I know and talk to her all about my beliefs... She would be contented with who I am and with what I have... We would grow up together... Then, maybe someday, I would marry her... age wouldn't matter coz If I am 22, she would probably be 16... Tears fell from my eyes... for me, to love and be loved truly would be paradise... but then, the lovely laughs turned to malevolent, malicious and creepy giggles and horrifying screams and I suddenly woke up as my name echoed all over the covered court... My brother woke me up... I got up and went home... That idea was just impossible and almost unacceptable because first of all, people would insult me and second of all, I am already "unofficially engaged" with my girlfriend... I promised myself that the first will be the last... but, she was giving me such a hard time... (I am describing everything as good as possible here and with least detail)... Later that day, we went to Makati to pick up our scooter from my uncle... They were making it far more complicated than it should be... They didn't want my grandpa to drive it back home because he might get into an accident... You know, he's got slow reflexes coz he's old... AND, they bought a slow 50cc scooter... Turns out, they're increasing the possibility for accidents because they bought a slow one... You know, nobody would be able to go with the speed of the vehicles in the highway with such a slow vehicle... We had a hard time loading it up in the CRV and I got all greased up... I even got muscle pains all over my arms... What a boring, disappointing day... Im only looking forward for tomorrow when my efforts would pay- off and we will get to try the bike... My girlfriend even rejected me when I tried to apologize for something that wasn't even my fault... So, because of my apparent sadness, I decided to make myself a tblog account as an output of my emotions... I wanted just to share a glimpse of my life to people... But, I've decided that the details and other things I've learned and thought are best kept private in my journal... besides, who would care...
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